There comes the soft rain and the smell of the ground -
angry tears that drip down amidst the smoke
washing away misery with its drizzling sound.
Chopping continues as more chainsaws surround
the lake of mangroves when the chirping crickets choke
there comes the soft rain and the smell of the ground.
The rootless trunks are stacked on a mound
to be thrown into dancing flames, as they invoke
washing away misery with its drizzling sound.
Mangroves shrivel into ashes, and workers pound
their fists, gulping down beers and cackling, as frogs croak
there comes the soft rain and the smell of the ground.
Souls of deceased trees have left a painful wound
on nature; the rain begins to fall from the gray cloak
washing away misery with its drizzling sound.
And nature watches men perish, never to be found
Slowly sinking into opaque waters, whispers spoke
there comes the soft rain and the smell of the ground
washing away misery with its drizzling sound.
This poem was inspired by Sara Teasdale's There Will Come Soft Rains
Does the poem have 19 lines?
ReplyDeleteYes the poem does indeed have 19 lines
How many syllables are in each line? Is this consistent throughout the poem? If not, which lines break the pattern?
There are roughly the same number of syllables per line, with average being about 10 though lines with 11 syllables or 9 syllables do exist. However - that doesn’t really matter as long as they are not too far off from 10. However, there is one that is - a refrain that’s actually 14 syllables long. : ‘washing away the misery with its drizzling sound.’ I am not sure if this was a mistake or used for a literary effect. If it was the latter, I don’t think it had a powerful impact on the rhythm.
Does the poem fit the required rhyme scheme? If not, where does it break the pattern?
Yes it does fit the required rhyme scheme.
What is the topic of this poem? Does it fit the usual topics for a villanelle (obsessions, lost love, etc.)?
I believe the topic of this poem is Rain, as the title suggests, or how man is proving to be destructive towards trees.
What overall comments can you make about this villanelle? What advice can you give to the author to help improve this villanelle?
This villanelle is very good. However there a few parts that are confusing.
The second stanza is a bit vague, mainly because of ‘when people joke’. I do not think this fits into the spirit of the stanza.
The third stanza is a bit confusing because there is no reference to rain, yet the author is still using the refrain, ‘washing away the misery with its drizzling sound’. Also, the misery isn’t being washed away in this stanza - I would say the situation is becoming worse. In other words - the refrain doesn’t fit.
Also, as the author repeated smoke as the rhyming word twice. Not sure whether she did it on purpose or was a mistake.
Minor point, rain is not plural. (the RAINS begin to fall)
Look at the word choice rubric. What score does this poem deserve? Use specific words and phrases from the rubric to explain why this score is accurate.
This poem deserves a 5 in the word choice rubric
The words are accurate, an especially in the last stanza, the words strike the reader and lingers in the reader’s mind. The words convey the intended message in a precise, interesting and natural way.