It is a misty dawn, dew drops glisten
on fresh green leaves where a chrysalis hangs
with its button of silk, fragile but strong.
Charcoal clouds slither over morning air
pour down Stygian rains, lashing branches and
twigs that quiver in tempest erupting.
Thunderstorm recedes and seven feint lights
a rainbow over the fading billow
shyly appears to commence a warm spring.
Flowers pop, burst, and bloom as seeds scatter
everywhere red berries are juicy ripe
trees welcome soft breeze - chrysalis twitches.
The tiny cocoon yawns and stretches then
crack! Out goes a leg, body, two bright wings -
a swallowtail soars up to sunny sky
flaps its webbed wings to perch on pink petals.
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ReplyDelete1.) Is there a rhythm present?
ReplyDeleteYes, 10 syllables per line
2.) What is the poems' topic?
Nature, specifically a swallowtail coming out of its egg and the scene around it
3.) What is really good about the poem?
Its very descriptive. I can almost see, hear, and feel what you are describing.
4.) What could be improved?
I think you should work on your punctuation. There are a few places where you could add a comma or something to further enhance the meaning.
5.) Give the poem a score for Word Choice (using the rubric you were given earlier this unit). Why does the poem deserve the score you assigned?
I think this poem deserves a 5 because
-the words are specific and accurate. It is easy to understand just what the writer means
-striking words and phrases often catch the reader's eye and linger in the reader's mind
-language and phrasing are natural, effective, and appropriate for the audience
-lively verbs add energy while specific nouns and modifiers add depth
-choices in language enhance the meaning and clarify understanding
-precision is obvious. the writer has taken care to put the right word or phrase in just the right spot
All in all great poem Gina!!!! I really enjoyed reading it.
Also, do you mind revising my poem to? If you don't want to I could get someone else to do it, no problem. Again, great poem!!!