Sleepy dawn hemmed in chilly air
taps on the lighthouse as people stare
at the very eastern point of the vast sky
where a golden orb rises fast up high
to begin the day with a magnificent flare.
Oh, how I wish I was like the red sun
Bright and lively, a scarlet flower
reaching out to warm me, whose mind
is only a rumpled sea, without power
that shimmers with tears under the light.
As I stand on the hills to greet my hero
relaxed and easy, floats over horizon
streaming upward on its heavenly ray
is the shining sun that opens the day
for me to start anew with glory and joy.
where a golden orb rises fast up high
to begin the day with a magnificent flare.
Oh, how I wish I was like the red sun
Bright and lively, a scarlet flower
reaching out to warm me, whose mind
is only a rumpled sea, without power
that shimmers with tears under the light.
As I stand on the hills to greet my hero
relaxed and easy, floats over horizon
streaming upward on its heavenly ray
is the shining sun that opens the day
for me to start anew with glory and joy.
-Her poem is in a Horatian format because it contains the same rhythm and structure in each of the stanzas. Although her rhythm changes from time to time, it all rolls off the my tongue fluently and easily. I think her use of a Horatian ode made her poem seem more relaxing and meditating- as her theme suggests.
ReplyDelete-Gina describes a scene of a girl (the author herself) gazing at the bright, lively sun. It’s a rather peaceful scene, where everything is luminous and silent, with the sun basking from above.
-The scene causes the author to want to become the sun itself. I’m not sure of this, but I thought the poet was trying to say that she wanted to become someone warming and lively as the sun, reaching out to wrap those in need with heartfelt arms.
-I’m not sure of this too, but I think the universal truth the author is trying to point out is the fact that there are many people out there that wants to help those in need but just don’t have the power to do so (“is only a rumpled sea, without power”), but we have got to keep in mind that someone has to be the first to be the change that they want in this world (“reaching out to warm me”). This is just my perspective on her poem, so I apologize if weren’t trying to put it this way! :S
-Like always, Gina didn’t fail at acing her word choice;)! Her use of verbs is just excellent and it portrays an image into my mind- once again! “Sleepy dawn hemmed in chilly air”, “Taps on the lighthouse as people stare”, “As I stand on the hills to greet my hero”, are some of the phrases that I just loved!
-I think her use of voice is done greatly in this poem. Something about this poem stands out, and it’s as if the poet is reading out her own poem to me. Maybe it was just because she was describing a scene, but her writing style here pulled me right in!
-Like I stated above, I’m not sure if your second verse was supposed to be conveyed the way I understood it, but I suggest changing some of the words if it wasn’t what you were pointing out on. Not only that, your second verse had the most rhyming variations than the other verses, so maybe tweaking some of the words here and there would make the poem sound more smooth and blended.
Other than that, I thought your poem was great! :D
Note to Gina: Hey Gina, sorry for the late post!!:( I completely forgot that I didn't post my peer revisions onto your blog! Oh, and I posted my Ode on my blog so I was wondering if you could edit mine when you have time?:S Sorry again !!
-Hanna Park-