Colossal ship travels on calm ocean
as pitch-black ink oozes out - a toxic potion
trickling down, down, ready to slaughter
menacingly disperse into crystal water.
Sea remains oblivious, gulping in
the fluid that silently coats the delicate skin
of innocent beings; once warm, peaceful bay
turns cold with a scent of death, as lives melt away.
As it penetrates into organs of otters, seals
and suffocates coral reefs, humanity feels
nothing; next day, news talks about the tragic
accident - is it, really, an accident?
What is the poem mourning? How do you know?
ReplyDeleteThe poem is mourning the death of the sea animals, and the clear ocean water. I know this by reading specifically the 2nd and 3rd stanza when it talks about how lives melt away and the reefs are suffocated.
Is the language formal or informal? How do you know? Give specific examples.
The language through out this poem is formal. I know this because of the word choice through out each stanza, it is more, complex, and holds more meaning as well as adds contrast to some of the ideas in the poem. For example. Line 8 in stanza two takes something cold, and makes it melt lives away. (Contrast: cold, and melt) I know that it is informal language also because of words like 'oblivious' 'penetrates' 'colossal', etc. rather than simpler vocabulary.
Is the poem written in elegiac couplets?
Yes, it is.
What is good about this poem?
The poem makes me actually feel something, i feel sad for the ocean and the things in it, as well as disgusted at the image this poem creates in my head. The poem has a good choice of words, and contrasting ideas that make the reader think.
What could you do to improve this poem?
I think that overall, your poem is very very good, although the last line made me think, maybe a little too much? I am not sure of the meaning or purpose that line has. Why wouldn't it be an accident, why would it be on purpose? Maybe either try to make your message more clear, or rewrite the last line. Other than that, your poem is WONDERFUL! :]